Battle of wills.

Mommy and baby had a epic war last night. What it was about was bedtime. It was a battle of wills. A battle of patience. A battle of mom vs baby. Who would outlast the other? Well it was me, but he didn't go without a massive fight.

It began like any normal night. He has been sleeping throughout the night and refuses to sleep in the morning anymore. There goes my morning exercise sesh with Jillian and Xbox. But, he ate his cereal and it was time for zzzz's. I thought he would sleep all night and I thought he would go to bed easily.bah!  We were watching Peppa pig and little man out of no where started screaming. What?! I was struck with worry of course and rushed him to his room for Oragel and hope it would work. Now remember we just got over bronculitis and ear infections. The gel did nothing, so I had to use Tylenol. He still was screaming. After walking him around the room, I sat down and gave him a bottle. He took a few sips and threw it. We went from a pain cry to a full on temper tantrum that would make any two year old envious. He wouldn't stop, and I tried to comfort and while I am not a "cry it out" parent; I had to put him in his crib and walk away. I was lost. And he wouldn't stop. 

I went into my room and watch tv while he cried, checking on him every 10 mins. He wouldn't stop and it was out of control. I went into his room again and picked him up. I tried to soothe him,but he was just so upset for being upset; I don't even think he realized I was holding him. 

I walked around the room and finally he fell asleep. After flailing around like a fish out of water, throwing himself, scratching mama, and screaming he fell asleep in my arms. I felt horrible. 

And hope tonight will be better. Wish us luck. We need it.

MY stance on CIO (crying it out)

Last night when I was getting little man aka baby bear ready for bed, things were going great. I was getting him relaxed for bed. You know the routine; brush his two teethies, change him into night night gear, and give him his bottle. We usually watch a children's movie, during Halloween time it was Charlie Brown Halloween. Last night we watched the original movie "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory" with Gene Wilder.It was great to watch and soon he was sleeping soundly. Normally transitioning him into his bed is not a problem. But, here lately it has been a nightmare. This is partly due to his separation anxiety and his teething. Put all of that with his getting a shot and you get fun times.

He was sleeping until he hit the mattress in his crib then it was scream city. It became a Roman collusium battle, he was the lion and I was the gladiator. I was loosing. He wanted me to stand with him, I didn't want to stand with him. I would try to get him to calm down in my arms and he would force himself into a pretzel. I would tell him, "OK,I am putting you down. You are being mean to mommy and pulling my hair and I do not want to drop my little man." I would gently place his screaming and wiggly body into his crib. This would make it worse. I tried to let him self soothe and left the room.

I went into my bedroom and heard the screaming. It was loud and horrible and I felt like a horrible mom. I felt like I was being short with him but I wasn't. I just didn't know what to do. I was lost. He was throwing a temper tantrum that would put toddlers to shame. Or so I thought. I thought maybe he wants the rest of his bottle after all, this was something he kept refusing in his room during the epic battle. I couldn't do it, I couldn't just let him cry it out. I felt wrong about it. And after an hour of this battle going on, I had to do something.
I went into the baby's nursery where he was screaming and not knowing what to do. I picked my baby up and held him close. He was trying to breath at this point and he still has issues with breathing now and then since his birth. This is something the pediatrician said will continue to get better, and it has.I took him back into our bedroom, turned Willy Wonka back on and finally he took his bottle. The tears were still running down baby bear's face. But a smile broke out and a relaxed breath after. He was happy and falling back asleep, only this time it was a sleep that lasted all night. He was able to be put in his crib, and he slept all night.
I am not sure if I am cut out for CIO, right now I do not feel it is good. For either of us, right now it isn't for me. Some women would say I am enabling the behavior, but I know plenty of  mamas that do not CIO and their children are happy and healthy. I do not think it is healthy to let a baby scream like that. At least for me and for him. It breaks my heart and it hurts him. Crying a bit before sleep is one thing but this, is another. I do not discredit those who do CIO, if you do and it works that is awesome.
I do not feel I am CIO mom, I can not do it. Or at least can not for right now.

What are your thoughts on CIO(crying it out)?How long do you let them cry or scream? Do you only do CIO for naps and not bedtime?  I can understand why so many moms do it, and I can totally understand those who don't.