Why I fail at a top knot.

I love the look of top knots. I think they are polished and so ballet. It doesn't matter if it is a chignon on the back of the head or a knot on the top, they are graceful and great for mommies with grabby hands. That is what I call my baby, his grabby hands is how I ended up with a weird ornament and toothbrush holder. Both I went back into the store to pay for. Anyways, I am not sure how to do a top knot. I try so hard. I look at Pinterest and fall in love with the styles. Trying it myself is a nightmare. I twist and turn my hair, grab the pins, and when I finally get my hair up, it falls back down. My teenage nieces can do it,it is crazy. I had to do something about this. A shortcut maybe?
I found on Pinterest  a way to do a bun with a sock. So, I tried it. Attention: use an old sock....and preferably not your spouses. Did it work? Well, a half an hour later and one torn up sock, NO. What next?
At H&M I found a bun maker thing. It is a plastic mesh doughnut, meant for wrapping your hair around. I tried that too, and nope.That was a dismal attempt followed by a frustrated me and wasted money. AM I doomed to not have that style? I want it so bad.  I really want to do it for the holidays but my hair is keeping me from doing so. That and maybe I am just not meant to have it, unless someone else does it for me.

I am not sure the thing I am doing wrong. I think I just have the wrong hair, or not long enough hair. I am not sure if there is a woman around that isn't mad at her hair, at least at one point or another. I guess it is my turn!
So, listen up hair! Yes, listen good! I am MAD at you! Mad mad mad mad! Hair, why wont you behave for me? I found a wiki on how to do this, so behave you!